91KG

Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lost 7KG at my last weigh in which was last week. That is a lot for only one week!! 15Lbs!!! at this rate, by June, I'll be at my dream weight 64KG!!!!!!!!!!! I'm hoping that by d next weigh in, which is at the end of febuary, I will have lost another 10kg or more.


What have i been doing?

I continued my protein diet. meat, meat and meat! five small meals a day.

Breakfast


A scoop of whey protein with a glass of 2% milk


3 hours later


steamed chicken or turkey with vegetables


Lunch


vegetable salad


2 hours later


steamed fish or lean pork with vegetables


Dinner


same as lunch.

I drink lots and lots of water. I try to consume a minimum of 2liters everyday.


WORKOUT

Same as always. 30 - 45 mins cardio ( walking, running, HIIT) and another 45mins of resistance training. My muscles don't hurt anymore. I think i am getting too used to my exercises and i'm getting a bit bored with repeating the same thing over and OVER! I intend to incorporate p90x again but i love exercising outdoors.

I have purchased heavier weights! yah!!!! Basically, its a set with 8 different weights. so i can load on dumbbell up to 22lbs (10kg) or more. But i would not advise that cos i'm still not able to use them fully loaded. So far, I can manage only a few repetitions with the 7kg load.

MOTIVATION

The biggest help will have to be bodybuilding.com !!! I visit that site everyday to look at transformations of other real people like me and i'm convinced that if they can, then so can i. It helps me stay focused and when i'm confused, i just go and look at the diets of these people. get some tips to help me be successful.

It also helps that my best friend is trying to lose weight too. So i have someone close who's on the same journey as me ( even if she's leaner and doesn't want muscles. I want muscles!! -_-). She's the diet queen. She managed to lose 70lbs by dieting alone a few months ago.

Family and friends are starting to get with the program. They are "trying" to be supportive. At least no one laughs at me anymore when they see me going to exercise. Counts blessing.


CHALLENGES

My major challenge will have to be time management. I can't seem to have enough time to workout and still go to work early. Laziness and procrastination are still demons i'm fighting. I think they contribute in stealing my time! Thieves!!

Cravings are not so bad anymore. but once in a while i yearn for soda ( and by yearn, i mean, shaking, feverish and mumbling nonsense). Went to a party yesterday and had a few bottles. I know, i know, i'm bad! I'm sorry!! I think its OK to cheat from time to time. Keeps me sane.


That's all for today, kids! see you in another 10kg.

98KG

After almost a year of avoiding the scale, I did it with my best friend. Talk about a RUDE awakening! 98 freaking Kilograms!!!! I have never been so shocked in my entire life. How did i let myself get so overweight? I honestly do not know. My heart broke. Everything changed right before my eyes. I was angry, sad and shocked. Kept asking myself, how did i get here? Cried, cursed and raged for an hour and then I GOT OVER IT.

I realized i was already on my way to losing all this weight. I eat healthy, drink lots of water and exercise for at least an hour everyday. My clothes feel lose and i feel better. So i guess i must have weighed a lot more than 98KG two weeks ago. I have been taught to always look at the bright side of things. To never dwell on the negative side of things because, nothing ever changes with a mindset like that.

Lately i have been spending quite a bit of time on http://www.bodybuilding.com and especially on the page with women that have lost a lot of weight and i'm feeling very inspired. These are women in their 30s and 40s losing all this weight and getting abs like 18yr old kids. If they can, so can I!

I'm going to double my workout and incorporate heavier weights. I don't just want to be slim, i want to be well toned. So thats where i am now.


HCG updates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


I can't seem to follow the strict diet. I eat very small portions but i can't seem to use only one vegetable. This weekend, I cheated a "bit". Had two slices of bread, an eclairs ( don't know why, I hate chocolate), a cup of rice, a tiny bit of fried chicken and a glass of milk. I just want to do something i can stick to forever.

I'm tired all the time because I work out even when the instructions said not to. I just can't trade my work out for the HCG. I'm afraid if i stop, i'll fall off the wagon completely. Therefore, I'm seriously thinking of suspending the HCG. I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm back to eating only small portions of protein. I have to say, the HCG makes me not feel hungry all the time. I'll give it that.

Exercise + HCG

So its 2012. I feel old already. On new years day, i didnt make any resolutions. Many years ago, i made a last resolution to never make any more resolutions. Thats the very first time i ever stuck to any resolution. I've used the word " Resolution" too many times already so.......Moving on.

Updates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fell off my weightloss wagon. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes i love exclamtion marks :) ) I did the healthy eating for a week. lost about 3 pounds and ran out of bananas. Ok, so to be honest,I'm not quite sure which happened first. The boredom or the Banana revolution. Anyways, I fell off. for a month. And then a friend of mine posted a photo I took 2years ago. The difference was so clear. I wanted to cry. The very next day, I hired a personal trainer!

So far so good, Its been almost 2weeks since my first work out. Its been very challenging and i'm loving it. I don't see myself getting bored anytime soon because i'm getting addicted. I wake up at 5.30AM every morning. Do some aerobics (running, walking) for an hour whilst holding two 1kg dumbbells, then I do many, very many repetitions of crunches and all the horrible exercises my trainer can make up to torture a kind, harmless angel like me :(.

My muscles have started to forgive me for all the torture. I'm grateful for their kindness. I can already feel the difference. I'm thinking 30Kg by May 2012. Someone say a big Amen!! Yes? No? Whatever, I don't care what you think....U... now moving on.....Positive energy in...Negative energy out....


HCG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( yes i love my exclamations) What a pain. I'm hungry all the time. Well, i just finished my 2 days of loading day AKA phase 1. They were heavenly. I could eat anything and everything. Now i'm in day 1, Phase 2 :(. I am allowed only 500 calories. This morning, i thought i was definitely going to pass out. I do not think exercising and HCG go together. So little food and so much exercise. I'm going to up my calorie intake to around 800 to see how it goes.

So that's the update for my roller coaster weight loss journey. See you in a week.

Back to the business of losing

Losing weight! the hardest thing I've ever had to do! Every other thing has come easy to me. Love, health and life in general. Everything except losing the damn weight.

I have attempted (the word "attempted" used loosely) at least ten different diet fads ( my particular favorite was the eating every 4 hours one, Heavenly pleasure!!). Invented a few and still i always seem to add more and more weight. I've tried exercising everyday. P90X and morning runs. So why are there no results? simple! I get bored easily. This is no joke. My attention span is like that of an infant. I'm asleep and i wake up at 3am feeling bored with sleep. In fact, my default state of mind is extreme boredom. oh and i just LOVE food. I don't necessarily eat too much. i just love the way its made, the way it looks and of course the taste. I'm very adventurous with food. i will eat any and everything in the world. OK, maybe except snakes and cats and rat and dogs and bitter stuff and chocolate..... Oh yeah, I absolutely despise chocolate.

Anyhu, long story short, I have decided to try again to lose....WAIT FOR IT.... 15kg. Yes, i am overweight. I can't wear a bikini without feeling guilty that I'm abusing the basic human rights of the people around. Imagine seeing a 15kg overweight person in a tini tiny bikini(the type that consists mainly of thin strings of rope.) prancing down the beach with bits of flesh hanging lose everywhere. Yep! not a pretty sight. I don't want to get sued.

I'm going back to the "eating small meals every 4 hours" diet. Well, i'm going to try and not abuse it this time :( . My first attempt was a joke. I ate like my life depended on it. My "small" meals could have fed a small village. See? absolutely no discipline. This time will be different though. No fatty foods, reduced carbs, more water, green vegetables and no food after 6:30pm.

Basically, my day will start with two glasses of water, fruit (an apple and banana) and a glass of milk

and ends with green vegetables and a tiny bit of protein. I'm eliminating rice, bread, pasta and all processed food. I do have a free day though. I chose Saturdays. My main challenge will be in the portion sizes. I hate the feeling of hunger. It makes me sad. I need to overcome that.

For exercise, i'll be using the P90X Lean videos and schedules. Its a bit daunting. Especially, since the first workout is core synergistic. The first time i tried that, I was paralyzed for two whole weeks. I had to really consider every option before changing positions in bed. My muscles hated me.

The only thing missing is a good support system. The people around me are not supportive at all. They say things like, "its in your genes and you can't change who you are". I think they are wrong. I would love an environment where people don't expect you to fail. Any advice anyone?

There she blows!!!!!!

Its upsetting when people think you've been placed on this earth just to see to their every whim. Their selfishness won't let them understand that you have your own problems that need fixing. They don't think because, they know you'll be there to fix it if it goes wrong. I'm tired.

Of always worrying about everyone else.

I'm tired!

Of always being the good listener.

I'm really tired!

Of no one doing the same thing for me.

I'm so freaking tired!

Of their constant tantrums and whining.

Please understand i'm human too. That i have just as many problems as you and most of the time even more. Please fix your issues yourself or try, please try to stop putting yourselves in this stupid positions!!!!!!!!!!

I'M AWAKE NOW

I've been away for an eternity. Been too busy NOT having a life. I would say the past few years have been a defining moment. Those moments that mold a person into their final state of mind. I have learned to be less judgemental. No one is perfect or even close. I've learnt to separate my emotional side from the logical/ sensible side. To look at the big picture.

Now the big question is, what do i do with this blog? Should it continue been about my weight loss struggle? my personal life or the mundane ( fashion, music etc) ? Seriously, what?

Each post after this will tell. So we'll know, a blog post at a time. until then, keeping rocking!!

Day Break!

Hi there, guess who's back!!!!!!!! me!!!!

OK, so I've been away for a while. didn't feel like talking (writing). Been going through what i would call the holy grail of bad days. I'm still there but I've decided i wont allow those things to keep me away from you guys ( yeah i know, i love me too). you're probably wondering what happened, lets just say somebody took something that wasn't theirs to take. people are wondering why I'm still so composed and seemingly unmoved, I'm not sure why. I'm probably still in shock. maybe one day I'll really understand what happened and then I'll probably have a nervous breakdown but until then, I'll be right here with you.

My one cent to anyone who's been burned down is to get up and keep moving. it will be difficult but you cant afford to let the offender win. take control!

OK, I've been to the gym everyday since the last time we talked except for Saturday, Sunday and Monday ( ok, so i've been to the gym only thrice since we talked, bite me!). i can swear that my stamina has increased 100%. i can now go on the machines for above 45minutes compared to the first day when i thought i was going to die after the first 5minutes. Been doing the strength training and now i'm a familiar face at the gym. It makes me feel really good. As for the food business, i think I'm slacking off a bit. Its so hard to monitor your food especially when you have to be in school all day. continuously been tempted by the disgustingly unhealthy foods there. i'll try harder to get back on track with the food thing.


Relationship/boyfriend update: we sorted everything out. He's been the best thing to ever happen to me and he just sent me a message to update you guys. he's really sensitive! so he wants me to tell you guys that he's still here and even more in love with me ( awwwwww, you see why i love him?)! He's one of those few people left in the world that makes me think that there's still some good left in this dark. creepy place.

i'll be back with more info later. gotta go to the gym. i'm even impressing myself ( yeah, yeah, roll your eyes all you want!).